


Falling apart

by Blackghost7



Category: NCIS
Genre: Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-16
Updated: 2015-01-16
Packaged: 2018-03-07 19:59:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3181277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackghost7/pseuds/Blackghost7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony gets promoted off Team Gibbs. How will the two men cope?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling apart

Tony has been drinking a lot lately, hating that he is turning into his father, but unable to stop himself. When he gets home early enough, he goes through two glasses of wine before he ever even considers what he is going to have for dinner, and the first bottle of wine is empty by the time he takes his first bite to eat. The second is empty by the time he stumbles to his bed, setting his alarm on autopilot, a habit long since ingrained, something he can do even if his mind is completely fogged with alcohol. Sometimes, he wakes up at four or five in the morning, and slips out of bed to drink a glass or two before going back to sleep, waking up with his mind and body still buzzed, feeling the effects of the alcohol still running through his body, oddly glad he doesn’t have a car yet again and has to take public transport. He picks up coffee on the way into the office and chews grape flavored gum to hide the smell of booze on his breath.  
   
His life has been falling apart ever since he got transferred. He wasn’t looking for it, didn’t want it, but the director insisted and now he has his own team. Though he appreciates that no longer being on the MCRT means shorter and less stressful days, and he likes having his own team, it feels like he’s been sidelined. He watches Team Gibbs from his desk two partitions over, observes them unobtrusively as they work the high profile cases, and sees probie after probie collapse and bite the dust under Gibbs’ unrelenting tutelage. McGee is growing into his role as Senior Field Agent, something Tony likes to think he’s had a hand in, and Bishop keeps doing her thing, and Gibbs… well, Gibbs is Gibbs and will never change.  
   
And that’s what stings the most, he thinks. Gibbs hadn’t even batted an eye when the director had called them into his office and dictated Tony’s promotion. Not one word of protest, nor congratulations, just silent acceptance and then he walked out. Catching up with Gibbs on the stairs, his mind still reeling, Tony had asked if Gibbs had known. The terse no sounded truthful, and Tony kept quiet after that. And they had not spoken about it ever since. Thirteen years on Gibbs’ six, and not a single word.  
   
So Tony settles at his new desk, gets to know his new team, and in the evening goes home and drinks. At first he toasts his promotion, and his team, and his friends. Later he just wallows in misery. And now he doesn’t think about anything anymore, just raises the glass to his lips and swallows the liquid, refilling his glass whenever it is empty and getting more and more lost.  
   
McGee doesn’t have any time to spare for social calls, no drinks after work, or pizza over a game. Abby works as hard as ever, and it’s only now Tony realizes how much of her time goes into working for Team Gibbs, because he hardly sees her anymore and when he does, she’s shooing him away after a couple of minutes, saying she has things to process for Gibbs. Not being on the MCRT means that Tony hardly ever has business down in Autopsy, and it seems like it’s been ages since he’s seen Ducky or Palmer. Tony tried at first to keep things the same, but now he’s given up. He’s only five months into his new assignment, and it feels like his family has fallen apart. And nobody even seems to miss him.  
   
Tony works his cases and trains his team, files his reports and his closure rate is exemplary. The director is pleased and praises him, but it means nothing to Tony. The only time he gets the sparkle back in his eyes is when his team is assigned as back up to Team Gibbs, and out in the field, on Gibbs’ six, Tony feels like himself again. But it’s brief and momentary and only once, and Tony sinks back into his daze immediately after.  
   
~~~~~  
   
Gibbs is furious when the director gives his orders and promotes Tony off his team, without even consulting him or telling him in advance. While he knows that Tony is ready, has been ready to lead his own team for years now, Gibbs has never wanted to let Tony go. He trusts Tony, he relies on Tony, he needs Tony. He wants Tony. He wants him on his team and in his life, and he aches in Tony’s absence. He misses Tony’s instincts, the feeling of having Tony on his six, even Tony’s incessant babbling. He likes McGee and trusts him, but McGee is not the Senior Field Agent Gibbs chose and trained and nurtured for years. Tony’s flair and intuition, the way Tony can read him and give him what he needs before Gibbs even knows he needs it, Tony’s presence, it all makes him invaluable to Gibbs. An anchor that he can cling to, someone who stands up to him and keeps him grounded, the very center of his life.  
   
Without even knowing it, Tony has become the most important thing in Gibbs’ life. And now that he doesn’t have Tony anymore, Gibbs is cut adrift. He loses himself in his basement, in his bourbon, in his misery. He watches from afar as Tony solves case after case, listens to the director raving about Tony’s success, monitors Tony’s progress with his team and sees him grow into the team leader he always knew Tony could be. But he hates the distance, hates being on the sidelines, hates not having Tony close. He misses Tony desperately, and his team suffers for it. McGee and Bishop are used to it by now, but the probies the director keeps throwing at him bite the dust, one by one. Gibbs wonders how long he can continue like this, wonders if he even wants to. He had said to the director once that the job was what he had, but the job without Tony doesn’t mean all that much to him anymore.  
   
Gibbs watches and listens and waits. And then he sees it. Tony isn’t Tony anymore.  
   
Tony is quiet and professional, and sometimes he seems dazed. Gibbs figures at first that Tony is just trying to adjust to his new position, trying to be what he thinks a team leader should be. Then Gibbs notices the distance that has grown between Tony and the rest of Gibbs’ team, and he thinks Tony might just be missing them. But then he sees the real Tony again for a fleeting moment when they work a case together, and his heart almost sings when he does, and breaks when the other Tony reappears immediately after. At last Gibbs is certain that something is wrong with Tony, and he is damn sure going to find out what.  
   
~~~~~  
   
Tony doesn't come to his basement anymore, hasn't been there for months now, and Gibbs misses him there even more than at the job. At work, at least Gibbs is able to look over the partitions and see Tony there with his team, but in the basement, he glares at the empty steps of the basement stairs as if it's their fault Tony isn't sitting on them. So if Tony isn't coming to him, he's going to Tony. He takes the spare key Tony gave him years ago and he's never used, but he's going to use it now.  
   
Letting himself into Tony's apartment, Gibbs is surprised to find him passed out on his couch. It's still relatively early, and Tony and his team have been on cold cases for two days, so it can't be exhaustion. Taking in the surroundings, Gibbs notices the empty wine bottle and brings it to the kitchen to put it away. Spotting several more empty bottles there, Gibbs has an unwanted flash of recognition, the row of empty bourbon bottles on his own kitchen counter clear in his mind. Damn it! How did he miss it! He should have known.  
   
Returning to the living room, he rouses Tony enough to get him to his feet. Tony is out of it, muttering to himself as he lets Gibbs help him to the bedroom. The mutters are revealing, and Gibbs listens intently while he puts Tony to bed.   
   
"Didn't even say a word. Not a word. Thirteen years and not a single word. Just lets me get kicked off his team, lets me be sidelined. Won't let me be on his six, won't have me now, not anymore. Too old I guess. Too old. Too long and never told him. No more Gibbs for me. No Gibbs no more for sad old Tony."  
   
Gibbs smiles at that. Too old? Hell, he's older than Tony, and he's still got the hots for his - no, no longer his - agent. Age is just a number, and silver hair or no, he still wants. Wants the younger man fiercely, craves him like he's air, needs to breathe him into his lungs and keep his essence there forever. He puts Tony to bed and shuts off his alarms, and in a rare display of knowing technology, sends texts to Tony's team saying that Tony will be late tomorrow. Then he texts McGee that he himself will be late too. Dragging over a chair, Gibbs settles in for the night, watching Tony sleep.  
   
He thinks about what Tony said in his blurry state, and smiles when he realizes Tony misses him too. Then he thinks that maybe there is something more to it, and hopes he is right when he surmises that Tony wants him too. If that’s true, he’s sorry that he’s only figuring this out now, but figures better late than never. He sees the row of empty bottles on both their counter tops in his mind, and decides this has to end.  
   
~~~~~  
   
When Tony wakes up the following morning, he has no idea how he got into his bed, but that's no strange occurrence these days. Not remembering is almost fun, has him trying to connect the dots and recall what he did last night. What startles him though is the sight of Gibbs sitting there, eyes open and alert, and focused on him completely.   
   
"We need to stop this, DiNozzo."  
   
His voice isn't up to speaking yet, and he doesn't try. Just lying there, he soaks up the presence of his boss which he hasn't experienced for so long, and lets himself be happy and satisfied, knowing Gibbs is on his six. It’s something he hasn't felt for a long time, and he revels in it. But then he worries about what Gibbs saw and why he’s here at all, and hopes he didn’t do anything stupid in front of the man. Clearing his throat, he attempts to speak, managing after a few squeaky tries.  
   
“Stop what, Boss?”  
   
“You’re drinking too much.”  
   
It’s not an accusation, it’s a statement of fact. And Tony knows that Gibbs is right, as always. He’s surprised by what follows though.  
   
“So am I.”  
   
Tony hasn’t been close enough to Gibbs lately to notice an increased intake of alcohol, but if Gibbs says it, it’s probably true. Tony wonders why Gibbs would be drinking more than usual, but doesn’t voice the question, knowing that he wouldn’t get a response anyway. Then he notices the time and silently curses. Gibbs smiles, and takes away his worry.  
   
“Already told your team you’d be late today. Me too.”  
   
Tony relaxes back into his pillows and takes a few deep breaths before speaking again.  
   
“Why are you here, Boss?”  
   
“I was worried.”  
   
Tony lets that sink in, and is sure he doesn’t really want to know what Gibbs saw that made him worry, so he doesn’t ask. Gibbs tells him to go shower and dress, and then takes him to his diner for breakfast. They don’t speak much, or even at all, and it’s only when they arrive at the Yard and Gibbs is parking his car when he finally says something again.  
   
“You’re coming home with me tonight.”  
   
It’s an order and Tony knows it. He doesn’t mind, he’s been so lost lately that any direction he is given is welcome. And he has missed Gibbs, missed being with him, so the prospect of spending the night at Gibbs’ place is a pleasant one. He gets through the day a little easier than usual in the knowledge that he will be with Gibbs tonight. He wonders briefly why he hasn’t visited the man in the last few months, but knows he’s been too lost in self-pity and booze and didn’t want Gibbs to know how miserable and pathetic he is feeling.  
   
That evening Gibbs takes him home, and they drink tea instead of beer or bourbon, and they finally talk. Tony tells him about how lost he feels, and admits to his drinking even if he doesn’t admit to the full extent of it. Gibbs tells him how angry he is with the director for taking Tony away from him, how much he misses Tony on his team, and admits to drinking too. Tony feels better knowing that Gibbs misses him, and lets it slip that he misses the older man too. They drink their tea in silence for a while after that, then Gibbs simply tells Tony he’s going to stay with Gibbs for a while. Tony knows they both need the company right now, and accepts it gladly.  
   
Days turn into weeks, and they keep each other sane. The drinking diminishes and both are starting to see the world as it is again without the foggy haze of alcohol blurring the edges. They both still hate not being on the same team, hate not being able to watch out for each other, but spending the evenings together makes it a little easier. But when Gibbs gets clipped on the arm during a shoot-out, things change. Tony lies in his bed in the guest room, staring up at the ceiling, and he’s angry with McGee and Bishop for not taking better care of Gibbs, and something just snaps. He gets up and walks into Gibbs’ bedroom, slides under the covers and draws Gibbs to him, holding him in his arms to reassure himself that Gibbs is fine and alive and still there. Gibbs sighs and melts against Tony.  
   
“I can’t do this anymore.”  
   
Tony’s words are soft and gentle, and filled with longing and regret. Gibbs understands exactly how he feels, and turns in Tony’s arms so they are face to face. The kiss starts out slow and reassuring, but turns into something heated and passionate after a few minutes. Lips and tongues and hands and hips meet and they explore each other, mapping each other’s bodies and mouths, and when Gibbs at last settles himself between Tony’s legs and pushes in, Tony breathes out a sigh of contentment while he adjusts to the feeling of Gibbs inside of him. It’s slow and tender and reassuring, and when they come, they finally feel complete. Afterwards, Gibbs curls around Tony and holds him close the rest of the night.  
   
The next day passes in a blur and Tony has a smile on his face that simply won’t be suppressed, and Gibbs quirks the corner of his mouth upwards every time he thinks of Tony, which happens a lot. When Gibbs drives them home that evening, the car is filled with eager anticipation, and they barely make it through the door before they’re on each other again. It’s hard and fast and loving and all-encompassing, and they don’t need to talk about it when it’s over. They know each other well enough to know that this is what they both need, what they both want, and that this is the start of something they have been heading for a while now. When they finally make it to the bed later that evening, they wrap around each other and sleep contentedly through the night. In the morning, they go talk to the director.  
   
Vance is pissed when they issue their demands, but doesn’t want to lose either one of them. He can’t put Tony back on Gibbs’ team as his Senior Field Agent because that would mean demoting McGee, and he doesn’t want to do that. In the end, they agree to merge Tony’s team into the MCRT and have Gibbs and Tony act as joint team leads. The director isn’t happy about it, but it’s the only way he can get both men to stay. As they leave his office, the director sees Tony gently place his hand on the small of Gibbs’ back, and realizes there is more to this than meets the eye. He keeps tabs on the two of them for a while after that, but can’t discover anything untoward, and in the end he lets it go. The new and improved MCRT works well, and the two men complete each other as team leads, the case closure rates are higher than ever, and the director stops being pissed.  
   
Back on Gibbs’ six, Tony is happier than he’s ever been, and reconnects with the other members of their little family. He’s still a little hurt that they didn’t seem to miss him while he was on his own team, but Gibbs kisses him into distraction and Tony happily lets him. When Gibbs asks him to move in, Tony laughs and tells Gibbs that there’s hardly any moving to do, most of his stuff is there already. They make it official by making love in every room of the house, making it theirs.  
   
It’s months before the team finds out. They haven’t been hiding it or deliberately keeping it from them, they have just been acting the same as usual at work. It’s the brush of Gibbs’ hand over the back of Tony’s head and the happy satisfied smile Tony gives in return that gives it away. It’s something Gibbs does at home, touching Tony and feeling that connection between them. There was no reason for doing it here and now, the gesture simply slipped out, and the team saw that in that moment they weren’t Gibbs and DiNozzo but Jethro and Tony. Startled for an instant, the team shares a few questioning looks with each other, then they shrug in acceptance and return to work. They’ll get the story later.  
   
They’re two years into their relationship when Tony sinks to his knees and asks Gibbs to marry him. It’s a big step, and Tony is slightly worried, but Gibbs just smiles and tells him yes. Kissing his lover deeply, Gibbs takes away all Tony’s worries and shows him how much he loves him. The ceremony is short and the wedding party is small, but all those who are important to them are there, and to them it’s perfect. They belong to each other completely at last, and that’s all that matters.  
   
 


End file.
